tears..

Assalamualaikum =)

i don't know why..

i even cry in the cls in front of children bcs of silly thing.

i even cry in the cls bcs _______________________ .

i even cry on the road bcs sumpah silly...


and i cry in the musola bcs of this

it's a nostalgic day of a cry. I HATE IT.


but for sure there must be a reason of this cry.

kbai dah magrib.

ALHAMDULILLAH

Assalamualaikum =)


kadang kadang teringin tau rasa nak go through the date of birthday without no feeling. like sleep early on the date, bangun tengok phone ada few wishes (few jelaa ahkak bukan kakton pemes emes), then realize, eh 29 Oktober lah.

but it's a big cannot. since the date reach to 1-10, my feeling was like... hehehehe 28 hari lagi. 3-10, hehehe berapa hari lagi. keep counting. then while I'm busy, lupa lah sat. sekali the spelling date for the children this week is on 31-10 so mesti lew i risik risik 29 tu hari apa.

lagi over macam.... okay cantik, 29 tu hari Selasa. kelas habis awal. okkk boleh _______________________. haha.


dah dah. but the point is.... nothing much to be proud of for this year birthday. I'm still a me, there are only few accomplishments. serious few. tapi Alhamdulillahhhh... cukup lah few dari nothing. tak gitu?

i still have many aims. many ambitions. many wishlists in life. inshaALlah by the years go, I wish slowly all my dream can become true. Aminnnn...


- I want to get married.
- I want to finish what I am doing now (I need a pray and support and BIG effort from me)
- I want to own a business (restaurant?)
- I want to have a kindergarten centre (ni baru nih, baru je jadi impian. hehe)
- I want really give money to needy (maybe donator for any NGO?)
- I want to make my mom and dad and brothers and families feel proud of having me around
- I want to be a Muslimah. (this is very hard. Guide me friends. ;( )
- I want a DR.? Aminnn.


lists keep long and long and long. InshaAllahhh.... maybe I can't get all but for some of the important wishlists I wish Allah will granted it. Aminnn.


hehehehehe. I read a story of a girl send a thankful text to her parent during her birthday. I will do it this year. InshaAllah. why not to be so thankful?? having such a great umi and abi ad family. everytime I learnt about development process, adolescent growth and all, I feel very very great by having umi and abi who always compliment each other.

umi memang tyoe yang takot. itu tak boleh ini tak boleh. keep think of all of the consequences over everything. abi??? GO EXPLORE! He even asked me to cross the big road on my 6 years old. I still remember that time. How scared I am. but, i managed to cross it. and effect? Alhamdulillah I don't have those kind of cross road phobia like.... jiha. HAHAHA. sorry jiha masuk cerita ni pulak.

my development is not as hard as others. takde la sampai kena pukul dengan batang besi ke apa. sebab I really really dengar kata. tanya umi tak caya... HAHA. just on my _____________. itu jek payah sangat. arghh.


i ever do one of the very big crime (I counted it as big), and you know what they do? late at night, before I sleep, umi come and hug me. asked few questions gently. I answered and admitted all A - Z. then the next day, umi said, go say sorry to abi. that time was Abang Yasir wedding. hehehe. near to paklong house, I come near to abi, 'abi, akak mintak maap'. he hugged me like........................ I cried a lot. watched by few aunties and all like speechless. and until now, nobody even ask what had happen actually. haha.


we not kind of jiwa jiwa part. takde lah kan nak, 'akak sayang umi' I NEVER SAY THAT FACE TO FACE. but i know they know. plus they also never say things like that. aaaa not romantic i guess. but, i know they love me. no doubt. kan kan? sebab tu lah awak, i'm not romantic type person. tapi sweet, betol tak? camtu gak family aku. eh all boys kot, camana la nak romantic. but sweet... yes it is.


at this age, I still have them in the very perfect health, nothing much I could say beside, ALHAMDULILLAHH. Allah keep everything around me forever health. the mind, soul, physical and everything perfect as your perfect creation in this earth. with this, You increased our Ibadah to You. Amin.


em entry ni macam ke laut merah ke apa ni. melalut. tapi serious this is what i feel. I MISSED MY FAMILY. hmph.


alaa muka tahun ni menjadi jadi ah tua dia. sakit mata aku tengok muka sendiri. muka moja tangkap masa makan tadi lagi lahhh. ahhh!

eh eh tapi syukur Allah, biar nampak tua, tapi sempurna ciptaan-Mu padaku. Alhamdulillahhh...

ok la sampai sini dulu. malam ni malas nak buat keja. isk isk. apa dah jadi ni????? hmph.


okbai. Thank you for reading. =)

satu je nak cakap

Assalamualaikum =)


muka gwa lately macam...............................

kalo dulu fanatic beb bukak wall fb sendiri. usha picture sendiri. dah kenapa?

tapi sekarang............... MASYAALLAHHHH!!!


seriously no more time for skin care ke, body care ke apa. ahhh!


kbai esok exam.

struggling myself.

Assalamualaikum =)


first week orang tanya best ke sambung belaja? with full of confident i was like, "not bad" "macam undergraduate jek just banyak kerja"


and now if you asking me best ke tak, I seriously don't know what to answer.

best sebab each day learn new things, and refreshing the old thing inside my brain. best lagi sebab the brain can't stop, lepas keja penat  penat sambung pikir isu semasa, idea about this and that. ok la kan?

tapi..............

yang tak bestnya is bcs of me. I am really struggling. having the classmate which some of them are second year, psychology background, book worm type, critical thinking type are really really make me become a............. small girl like a pencil in a corner and worry of nothing!


somehow this thing are kind of extrinsic motivation for me. yaaa by looking at them, look at their knowledge and idea, I keep telling myself, "are you serious you want to relax at this time?" and seriously, even tengok selebriti bizz tu kejap pon aku dah macam cacing panas. it's not worth, i should look at my journal or whatever it is.


journal? oh seriously it's killing me. now i just realize. in the four year undergraduate study, i NEVER read and understand the whole journal. it just go through and pick up what is related. but now, that one is bog big no! must and must and must and must read thoroughly. so........... i'm still struggling with this.

thousand theories just come from this and that subjects. i really need time for understand and yaaa apply in coursework which is.......... WHY I CAN'T??? ;(

and of course, english. i'm not confident to talk in the class. very scared of many things! padahal kat sekolah (tempat kerja) aku memang takde bahasa lain. english ja laaa. but yaaa i still can't. help me out... =(


ok lah. macam banyak je luahan jiwa. pray for me pehliss! =)