Change ain't easy

Assalamualaikum, salam Jumaat :)

Mood update blog harini, di sisi nenek, kat HUKM. Around me are few sick people, different health issue, their face telling each other something like, 'i wish i don't have this sickness, so i won't lie down here'

For having chance being here, taking care of my nenek is something precious. I may not open my eyes and appreciate health if I'm not here. I may not saying Alhamdulillah, and feel thankful to Allah.

I still reading the 'Untuk Kita Pendosa Harapan Selalu Ada'. Few chapters i gone through. One of it is, Arnab.

Thousand people realize we did something wrong, but as we not a rabbit we delayed the changes. Thousand people are having a goose bump when someone talk about Heaven and Hell, but try to tell themselves that, 'later I will help myself to Jannah'. Also, there are thousand people know how to change, why to change, what to change, but because of the value of self acceptance is coming more from their environment compared to Allah, so they have to ignore the change first, and wait till later. When is the later? Mohon sempat.

Sure, we will say that change ain't easy.

Every changes in life is ain't the easy thing, but after goal determined, after ways identified, after we really want it with full-hearted and sincere, inshaAllah we can make it. The key is in our hand, how we use the key and drive it to the destination its all depends on us, on what we exactly WANT.

As I'm still adapting few new things, i really hope the best for myself. Amin amin amin.

P/S: there is no iblis, evil soul, will stay quite with the human effort to the betterment. So, so, so be strong changer. (Me)

:)

Langit tak selalunya cerah.

Cinta ke orang biar lah berpada. Bukan kat kekasih je, dekat apa apa yang dilabelkan orang. Ibu bapa, adik, family, kawan, boyfriend. Kita memang takkan tau bila dalam cinta tu ada benda lain timbul.

Mungkin tiba tiba tengah baca novel perasaan benci ke orang yang disayangi timbul? Mungkin tiba tiba tiba tengah buat kerja rasa tak boleh nak siapkan rasa nak cari orang untuk disalahkan lalu attack orang disayangi and create perasaan benci?
Mungkin tengah baca Quran, rasa nak menuju syurga sampai kena tinggalkan akhirat lalu buang orang orang yang pernah disayangi?
Mungkin juga accident tengah jalan hilang nyawa terpaksa tinggal orang disayangi?

Banyak kemungkinan. Cinta ke manusia memang tak kekal.

Sedang Allah pon janji, mati itu pasti. Yang mana bila mati, pastilah kita tinggal orang yang kita sayang.

Bukan takde orang tau sayang ke Allah tu yang kekal, tapi... tak ramai yang tau dan prektik.

Aidil budak darjah 1.
Cikgu : Aidil lukis 5 orang yang Aidil sayang dalam kotak ni.
Lepas lukis mama, papa, adik, Aidil tanya..
Aidil : cikgu, macam mana nak lukis Allah? Mama cakap kena sayang Allah dulu baru sayang orang lain.
Obviously, Aidil pon tau, sayang Allah tu lagi penting.

Tweet dari Mira, 16 tahun, baru lepas putus cinta:
@mira16: setakat kau tinggal aku, takde hal. Aku ada Allah yang tak penah tinggal aku.

Banyak dan banyak lagi. Semua Muslim tau, Allah adalah mahluk yang patut disayangi, but look at us? Er, maybe not us. Look at me.

As be in the hard moment, "Allah, grant my wish, I need your guide, guide me...."
As be in the happy moment, "Alhamdulillahhh. Kau makbulkan juga permintaan hambaMu"

But as the happy getting happy and happy and happy.....

Bukan lupa, cuma terjauh diri.
Bukan apa, adakalanya manusia ini tak malu dengan dirinya.
Ku minta, merayu rayu, Kau makbulkan.
Ku toleh ucap terima kasih, lalu aku lupaa.
Gembira dengan apa di depan mata, gembira sampai lupaa.
Siapa beri gembira ini?
Siapa makbul permintaan ini?
Siapaa?

Si tak malu teros lupa, alpa.
Gembira, berpoya poya, khayal, leka, ingkar, degil, terkinja kinja.
Jauhhh jauhhhhh jauhhh dari si pemberi nikmat.
Lupaa lupaa lupaa pada pemberi rahmat.
Tak malu ke?

Selalunya itu lintasan hati semata.
Lintasan yang datang lalu ikut angin kipas ke kiri.... ke kanan... ke atas.... ke bawah.....
Good bye lintasan hati yang baik.

Realiti? Masih berhidung tinggi.
Masih percaya dengan cinta cinta dunia.
Kata kata cinta manis manusia.
Kata kata durjana yang bawaa jauh ke neraka...

Lupa terus pada pemberi nikmat, lupa terus pada pemberi rahmat.

Hingga..

Sayang si pemberi rahmat tiada bertolak banding.
Semalam, kelmarin, minggu lepas, walau sudah dilupakan, walau sudah diingkar semua suruhan, masih Kau datang membimbing, beri ingatan.
Masih Kau datang turunkan air mata.
Masih Kau datang beri peluang sebelum malaikatMu menjemput buat terakhir kali.
Masih Kau tunjuk jalan yang lurus yang akan membawa kebenaran.
Masih Kau sediakan ruang...

Sungguh pencinta apa ini?
Setelah dilupa, setelah diingkari, setelah dianak tiri, masih Kau beri ruangg.
Masih Kau datang dan mengingati.
Masih Kau terima taubat taubat.

Malu, sungguh malu.

Benarlah...
"Cinta kan bunga, bunga kan layu,
Cintakan manusia, manusia kan mati,
Cintakan Allah kekal selamanya."

InshaAllah pendosa ini akan kembali.
Akan cuba mengorak pergi.
Akan matang menyusun strategi.
Akan terus berdiri.
Akan buang semua luka.
Akan jadi aku.

Mohonku, pergi kau cari cinta sejatimu.
Pergi kau bawa cela yang pernah tercalit.
Pergi kau pergi.
Jangan kembali.

Jika ingin kembali, carilah jalan yang baik.

Good bye
Good night

Pissed off.

Assalamualaikum ;(

Today i walked around the uia. For few reasons and matters. Alhamdulillah all done. All the way back i really cant wait to sit and write something in here.

I met few people, all part of past people. Great to meet them. Talking, sharing little story bcs of little time...

But...

I hate when people really higlight my past. Bcs.. past kot, why need to mention, higlight, aaa repeat again? I always labbel this kind of people are 'no life.' Yes, seriously if you really running your life, busy over many thing, i don't think that you can still remember the past. Or maybe only me to easy to forget? Hmph. But seriously please don't.

I got smashed by someone just now. Not just someone she's someone respected. She talked some jokes which really bring me down. I'm not sure why. Maybe im too sensitive this few days? Or maybe that word was really mean?

Thinking of that word really bring me to two situation. First, can i success in future? Second, i should prove something in future. But this is hard.

Next pissed off, does grade mean everything? Lecturer wont mingle with the low grade students? Em? Not mingle, keep in touch. If i have chance to be lecturer, i wont follow the stupid tradition of educator thinking. InshaAllah. Ah even the teacher, i wont buy that stupid thinking.

Next, please friend dont keep secret. Bcs one day you will expose it unconciously. Thats more hurt. Sebab tuuu, aku bukan penyimpan rahsia. Im kind of outspoken. Bcs why? Bcs i hate to betray people. For being betray it 100+++, suck. I cant trust people now. Who fault?

Yes i need the busy life to keep moving healthy. I missed the busy me. But i love the free me, except for JK part. Haihh.

I should find hobby. Maybe?

Kbai, nak sembam muka bawah bantal. Buat esak esak. Umi, rindu.... ;(

feel like writing tonight .

Assalamualaikum =)

so officially now, i'm no longer a busy girl. seriously it is totally different. kalau sebelum ni semua pon macam.....

every single minute tu macam penat, terisi sokmo, sekarang..... relax den bergando gando. bangun pagi pon dah tak payah awal awal pagi. tidor pon dah suka hati je nak lelap pukul bape. honestly this is uncool. hmph.

i do plan to change these all nonsense and unhealthy life. but, but....

okay should try harder. tetiba dah mengantok. haha. kbai! =)

Chinese

Assalamualaikum =)

I used to work with Chinese before. (padahal masa tulis ni belom resign lagi. and i use 'used' in the sentence. yes bcs i really want to go, in the less than 52 hrs kot.)

okay, then I'm having such a great work environment there. as I quite not ok with the too many supervision I love free way to do my work, that workplace give me lot of freedom to do y works. that  is why I love it damn much.

plus, I don't really have time to listen to people story like, I like this teacher, I don't like this principal and all, I like this kids didn't like this kid, being with them bring me a lot of what I want. they will gossips in Mandarin and translate few words to me. which.... I don't care abt the gossip, just say whatever you want. be a student and worker or teacher in the same time don't give me extra time to think about that nonsense.

But... after almost 8 months of working, I can't stand. ahaa, it not bcs I can't stand because of work, teachers, principal and what so ever, it just I should give the good service but look what I have done. taking 5 subjects in a sem which equal to 15 credit hour and part time teacher at that centre really kill me off. I'm too much busy until I don't have time to look after many things. I did few mistakes with the students paper and many more. which those are a big sin for me. yes, I hate myself when I did mistake.

now I want to move. but I wish I'm not ending up as the full time students with papers and assignment. I want to do something else. not yet figure out what was that. phew.

oh ya abt the title. study in this university really make me forget abt different races and culture. I get used to it. that's why I never look at them as Chinese that's why don't know this and that.

I hate to heard something like, 'there are Chinese or Indian or Malay, that is why bla bla bla"

I'm not being 1 Malaysia or what so ever here. but yes, why judge the different based on skin colour?

since I'm going to be a students again, maybe I will start writing again and again. hey blog now I guess you won't be bored anymore!

okbai! =)

move.

Assalamualaikum =)


I'm so happy with my previous life before. I like the children, I like my study mood and works, I like my love life, I like how's the family gathering function, I like to hanging out with friends around me, all those things I like them like a lot!

but seems slowly thing change, mood change, environment and situation change, I need to leave few things that i like. for good.

at this age, I don't know what had happen, I lost focus in the snap of finger, I be brave but end up turn to be rat that scared of cat, I being lovely but end up I sad like crazeeee. sigh


as for my next and next move to life, I should think about myself now. maybe this is the time I should walk alone, look at the Allah creation and appreciate them, find the good thing on me and use it, be more responsible, accept my weakness and control it. yes yes I should. I'm getting older and matured. hewh.

those up word seems pathetic. I do feel the same. But sometimes, the test, the sadness, the madness bring to few realization of life. isn't it?

I need a beach, sit near to it, look at how the children play and....... enjoy those life. Yes, I need that. But I wish I am at the high place and nobody can see me that smile, laugh and cry together with their mood.

snap!

okayh works in front of here. I should finish it first. kbai. kbai.

*a bit relief.