kerepek merepek

Assalamualaikum =)


Hi drama queen nak beraksi nih. last update pasal sedih nak habis sem 3. alhamdulillah managed to finish it finally. with almost flying color, but almost lah tak flying. paham tak?

last last upate jugak cerita pasal kerja lama. sekarang dah kerja baru. aku macam kangaroo lah jugak. sekejap lompat sana sini. apa nak buat, rezeki or haven't be in the right place as what i study and imagine to be. which is counselor.

okk so currently I am a PERMATA educator. pendidik PERMATA bahasa melayu dia. baru lagi. buat susu pon menggeletar lagi. HAHA. i'm not sure why, this time my adaptation was very bad. what makes it bad? SERIOUSLY NO ANSWER AT ALL.


but the bad was very bad i could say. selama hidup aku lah, aku tak pernah ada masalah nak berkomunikasi. umi masa hantar aku pergi matrik, malam tu dia call, dia cakap "umi tak risau, umi tau akak senang ada kawan". but this time?

SUCK. yang suck tu aku. aku macam tak reti lagi nak fully mingle around dengan pendidik kat sini. dia macam all in fake moment. I still cannot be me. can't be in their daily conversation. so stuck. so shy. seriously I hate me! who can help? tsk.


then, I still did not prepare as this going to be my permanent job. I still feel like I'm in a training and going to leave soon. I do feel like that. why?


since that was my thought, I have to finish up my study and do something with my life. sounds serious. haha. I have plan. May Allah ease. =)


currently stay at Putrajaya. and the place is.................. I just don't like it. tsk. pasal rumah semua nih, nanti lah cerita. so many things too think. hmph.


sem ni ada lagi dua subjek before thesis. Ya Allah yang nilagi cabaran hebat. May Allah ease all my journey. amin. aminnn.


ok lah. saja nak merepek. no point at all. bye!

another tears for third sesmster

seriously. this is not the easy step. tonight i was so gloomy. i hate the books, the works, the journal. i hate all! reason?

i have none. all I know......................


i want to find my spirit to finish this. cepat lah habis master, dah suffer dah aku rasa nii!!! huwahh.


adik adik yang nak sambung tu, betol lah kata kawan ahkak. nak sambung kena betol betol berminat, betol betol ada aim. jangan main sambung sebab nak ada master. nanti jadi macam ahkak.

ni betol betol nak muntah. sampai jadi tak tentu arah dah ni. huwahhhh.

Allah ease my way Allah. I bonded with scholarship. so I have to finish this. Allah help meeeee........ ;(


goodbyee! =(

update life yang Alhamdulillah

Assalamualaikum and Salam Jumaat =)


true, correct, absolutely we cant compare our life with others because there is no ending of satisfaction. the unique human affect the non-ending unique life. so, if we can't stop to compare, stop reading others story. (ni pesan kat diri sendiri).

so all and all, Alhamdulillah for whatever life that I have now.

while others preparing on their big day, I still busying set up the life. but He the Most Knowing and Merciful, He lends me Kak Mun, to keep telling me, so what if we haven't married yet. (sure lah Kak Mun tak cakap camni, she's... I could say great heart girl). yes surely, He knows best what I'm capable of. kadang kadang pikir betol jugak. dorang yang dah kawen, either memang dah fully settle down or memang cukup dengan apa yang dorang ada sekarang. aku... bukan tak cukup. but I love to enjoy this busiest life. macam defense mechanism je lah pulak ayat ni. but seriously, I enjoy working and scheduling everything day and night, without stop. tapi kalo penat, paham lahh menggila dia camana. sorry closest people. especially you, the victim.

long paragraph skip please.

currently, I could say I'm stuck in... RA works, not one researcher now two. one is data collection, another one is methodology process. I enter GSM at 9am, the next time I look at watch it's 1pm. break a while. then 2pm next time 6pm. go back. part kerja lah.

part study pulak. damn me. Im too lazy to go to class. but I want A. seems like not so much deserve. Allah, help me please... hello, those who not showing the effort, he or she will not success. surely quote and proved. so? MOVE lah. be more rajin please?

then, at night... surely tuition class. the student getting closer to the end of the year. as for UPSR, now i have to prepare more. as for the rest, I have to  make sure they improve a bit, at least. But i enjoyed this damn much. seriously. at least in at least one hour a day, I can still be a teacher. dah KPM tak nak kiteeww nak buat caneee. tsk. haha.


apart from all, now struggling to put all in control. believe it or not, I start to have my life schedule. LOL me. tapi not bad, feel like more organized. washing cloth, folding them, put in the locker, sweeping floor, etc etc. mak mak sangat tau. tapi best lah lepas penat balik keja semua, tengok bilik bersih je.. sejuk rasa hati. hehe.


ok dah lah. this is my third days to understand this creepy MG-PDC. why I cant find the way to analyze it. or it just simply observation list which give no result? HELP!


wish me luck. bye! =)

Raya 2014.

Fresh Monday

Assalamualaikum =)


i don't know why, but feel so refreshing today. sebab pakai sabun Jeny kot fresh mende tah tadi. haha. seriously i just love this weekend. i hit a lot. i so cool awesome time. Alhamdulillah.

start with Jumaat lepas kerja, pegi buka rumah bakal (inshaAllah). don't feel any kekok there. sampai terlupa kejap, I'm not yet part of the family. Lol. but truly, have to struggle a bit lah. since all his siblings are elder than me. topik perbincangan tu macam..... izit the right question to ask? mihmih.

okay then, his mom just give me the great idea. she invited (macam over je invited) okay she asked me to join solat tasbih, solat dhuha and solat taubat kat masjid rumah dia. kebetulan lagi, sabtu pagi tu tak boleh tidur dah lepas sahur. kebetulan lagi, we plan to go to VF Sabtu tu. so alang alang, aku join lah solat tuu. Syukur sangat, gave lot of benefits there. Alhamdulillah...

pegi VF, shopping tak mana. sempit. panas. crowded. em macam macam lah. oh paling penting no cash. ingat ATM ada banyak banyak. sekali satu je, which the queue is longgggggggg. serious sama panjang macam 'g' yang aku taip banyak banyak ni. so dengan cash yang ada la 100 je, boleh la beli satu benda. tsk. tapi betol lah. aku dah tua. aku dah tak selesa nak bersempit dengan orang ramai. i start to hate crowd. so, no more enjoying shopping at any crowded place. huh.

lepas balik VF tu, petang la, teros zass pegi putrajaya. nak sangat dengar Mufti Menk punya talk live. hehe. so... Alhamdulillah dapat pegi sana. tengok bazaar yang super awesome. and.... rembat baju baju murah untuk raya dekat festival depan masjid tu. dia bukak 12pm to 12am. tempat luas. sejuk depan masjid, eh? tapi memang best. dengan semua yang jual tu akak akak yang saja buat part time kat situ. so kau masuk, "kak baju ni berapa?" "90 dik". "70 boleh?" "haa ambik lahh." mau tak seronok aku. berplastik plastik aku rembat. rasa nak pegi lagi esok. Ja, did you read this? jom nak? haha.

malam tu teros tido rumah dila. esok pagi balik singgah Jusco AU2 sekali kasut dia gila gila sale. swiss polo 70% dah jadi satu 35 something pon ada. beli jelaa. susah nak ada sale lagi. jap susah nak ada sale and ada duit masa sale tuu. hehe. so Alhamdulillah.

basically barang barang raya aku dah complete dah. tudung jela. tu pon nak cari wide shawl je pon. itu nanti nanti pon takpee. hehe.


lagi yang best, dapat catch up latest story dengan Jeny, dengan kawan kawan comrade yang lain. best!


so here i come. Monday! esok cuti tu yang lagi excited gegilaa! hehe.


ok lah. almost 9. time to go to work. bye! =)

something killing me

Assalamualaikum =)


as my last entry i wrote about RA work. Alhamdulillah got thousand million trillion free time now. itslike super duper free. but... something is killing me. How?

like this.

I have to record every single activities at information counter in GSM. okayy. so every time when the student came in, first i have to look at time. second, snap the picture or video. third, jot down draft about the activities.

since i hate for play the time, like a lot. this bothering me. i really love the sudden time expression. likeeee 730am look again at watch its 4pm.

so be in this job, seriously killing. but..... maybe in adaptation mood lagi kot. takpee, adaptation. adaptation. huh.

itu je nakbising bising sikit.

oh ya this month, having difficulties in financial. dah lama tak rasa. haha.

i bought a new car. so... eh second hand car jela. but i love it so much. nak tengok? lol

haven't give him a name yet. haha. any idea? nak nama yang elok sikit. lol.

okay so start from now on kena jimat jimat sikit. ad paling penting kena la keja rerajin. enough playing. inshaAllahh. =)

okbai nak sambung baca journal for personality bored class. bye! =)

Bcs im glad

Salam Ramadhan...

May this Ramadhan bring something to us. Kalau tak banyak sikit pon jadi lah. Sikit yang macam..... jadikan masjid tu tempat sangat indah untuk singgah keee, enjoy baca quran translation keee. At least take something from this Ramadhan and make it our practise for the next next month after Ramadhan. May Allah bless us all.

Currently i start my new job. Macam kangaroo rasa. Kejap keja tu, kejap keja ni. Fengsan! But Alhamdulillah Allah, this ain't the small chance u give me. Lot of doors u let me explore. Feel bless and Alhamdulillah.

Dari aku habis belaja, May 2013, i plant a strong will yang sampai lah aku dapat posting i will never stop explore. Harini nak throwiback semua sampai laa ni. Kot la macik dah tua nanti, baca ni boleh jugak ingat. Hikhik.

Ok right a week after i finished my study, lepas final presentation and submission, i went for many interviews. Bukan keja bidang i lah, any job. Then i start to taste the feeling as telemarketer. Not last long since, have told the reason on my previous entry.

Ok then jobless. That time almost Ramadhan last year. I walked alone in KL, went for interview here and there. Went inside the big building like.... alamak dah lupa. Ada kat kelana jaya, ada kat kl central depan dia, macam macam. Alone with the files of resume and certs. Nasib takde adegan bawak beg balik kampung tu. Boleh teros buat drama. Hehe.

Okk then alhamdulillah. 2,3 days of Ramadhan i got the job at Smart Reader Kids, Sri Petaling. That was my most precious exploration in life. Knowing them, be a teacher to those kids, havig chance to mingle with non Muslim community, so great experience. I worked there around 8 months.

At my firat semester of master, i still working there. Enjoyed to the max that time. Where i dont have time to think about what Moja is doing since i was too busy. We havent have figbt quite long that time. Hypothesis: the more you contact each other, the more u have fight. Lol. Tapinyaaaa, penat tak yah cakap. Im facing critical backpain at that time. Penah benti tepi MRR2 nangis dah tak boleh drive sebab sakit gila. Haha.

Just imagine, 7am woke up from BTR to Sri Petaling. Working.... around 3pm, i have to drive to IIUM for class. Everyday. if lucky the jammed havent start yet, if not jammed from Sri Petaling to Gombak jammed hokayy. Tido kat Shell dalam keta kat kat gombak tu. Kalo sampai awal sikit. Kalo sampai lambat, mamai mamai masuk kelas. Hehe.

9 or 8pm camtu kelas habis. Masuk library jap buat preparation untuk kelas esok or any homeworks. Sampai 1030pm drive balik BTR. And mula hari lepas tu pon macam tuuu.

Tapi Alhamdulillah my result for that semester much more great than second semester. Hehehe.

I quit the job on March 2014. Start new life, as tuition teacher at Smart Math Sri Gombak and Damansara. Abt this one, amazing sangat tau rezeki Allah masa ni. I just start to feel tired and want to quit from the job, Smart Reader, not bcs of people bcs of distance. Suddenly, someone call that morning abd offer me the job and the pay is very good. Alhamdulillah. Im still doing this job at this time. Tapinya keja ni malam. I still have time for morning.

Bukan tak bersyukur tauu. Dia macam i want mu schedule full of things. Kelas master petang. Morning?

Then around April 2014 i be a teacher at SRI Ar-Rahmaniah. Teach Math, sns and English. Ok lah keja ni get more experience. But nkt last long since i rent the house outside, and i plan to buy a car. So have to get more money.

So.... i quit the job and be the Research Assistant.. i just started like 4 days. So far i still into it. Alhamdulillah.

I guess should stop here. Panjang sgt dah ni. Hekhek.

So people out there, go explore! Go go go!!!! Allah created us for go find the good in this world but dont forget the akhirat. Dont stay still. The 28.6.2014 ada sekali je dalam seumur hidup. Why let it be just like that?

Camana pon, im so thankful to Allah. The door He opens. The health body He gives, the patient He granted me, etc. As well as my family for always support and make easy on my little and big steps. Alhamdulillah.

Throwback panjang lebar da habis. Mohon manfaat. Byeee ! :)

truly happen

ko penah ke tengok orang buat keja kat library menangis?
harini aku betol betol macam out of control.
i was like..... I'm losing myself.
i don't know what i want.
i gloomy over nothing.
why?

that's why i'm crying.
i don't have reason.


feel like want to go somewhere, but don't know where and why.

just feel like to being kidnap and bring me anywhere I don't care.


bring me somewhere..... huwahhh. =(

evening story

Assalamualaikum =)

ala salu camni, bila baca blog orang excited je rasa nak tulis cerita aku. tapi lepas tulis salam kat atas tu, stuck. malas. teros kadang kadang tu delete je. yang ni tak tau nak delete ke apa lagi.


i almost reach the end of my second semester. after this sem, inshaAllah left me with another 3 more subjects. sekejap kan rasa? lepas ni tinggal nak perang perang dengan coursework, then yeay.... what's next?

tapi.... sem ni sindrom 25 tahun dah datang. gila bapak pemalas nak pengsan. aku macam dah jadi orang yang takde wawasan. maleh. asal lulus. ngeng betol!

tapi aku nak gak result cam sem lepas. amin amin amin.


life this day is kind of tough. having such unpleasant health make me so much lazy to do many things. rabu haritu, aku boleh ponteng keja lagi. mashaAllah. aku macam kena pasrah je kalo agak agak ustaz kat tempat keja tu nak marah pon. sobs.


alaaa tah kenapa tah. this is not my living choice. i hate to be this type of me. tak productive langsung. hmph.


ok dah la. tetiba dah malas nak cerita lagi. haha. sokmo lah gini. kbai!

AKU DAH KENAPA???

Assalamualaikum =)

paham tak rasa apa malam ni?? aku macam bangang sangat sangat.

i have ton of works. alaa tapi senanya aku rimas gelap gelap. even now like cerah 40% its never enough. i love to live in 200% light. tapi dah fatin tido. kongaja sangat lah kalo aku nak pi bukak lampu.

dah tuu, aku dah terminum redbull. lepas tu lagi, aku dah target nak siap benda, tapi bangangnya aku asyik scroll facebook. dah kenapaaaa?

ok lahh! cuba try lagi tengok tengok kerja. just feel like want to shout but... all ears seems busy. kbai! =)

proud for be first child =)

Assalamualaikum =)


as usual lah, once one of my brother finish SPM I will be the real runner, search here and there, look at the possible U, scholarship, macam macam. memang aku jela yang buat.

but I'm not here for merungut. seriously feel more glad for this responsibility, as well as like could give me space for apply what I study.


but I always return back to my time. I have nobody. even internet pon takde, surf kat CC. aku ingat lagi masa tu dah la guna motor lama abi. scooter besar tu. berkarat tak payah cakap lah. every time aku sampai luar CC budak-budk sekolah mesti pandang. bila nak park, bukan boleh tongkat biasa. kena angkat stand. berat dia tuhan jela tau. masa tu aku dah la berat 40kg jek. tapi angkat jugak. dah nak sangat surf internet tengok apa yang sesuai dengan result aku.

lepas tu, mula mula aku depan pc, nak tengok internet kat mana pon tak tau. haha. lepas tu aku nampak ada tempat chat. apa tah nama dia. tapi bukan MIRC or YM lah. yang bodoh bodoh jek. yang masuk room pastu, ada banyak banyak list. nanti dorang hai. aku dengan takde email suma macam mana nak log in.

tetiba aku tekan satu huruf atas keyboard, tetiba ada email user lepas. lepas tu, siap keluar password. aku enter je la. yes yes boleh masuk. so maybe la user ni banyak kawan. once log in je teros ada few yang heyhai semua. then aku direct teros tanya kat satu user nih, nama dia danial. aku teros terang dengan dia sebab tah rasa dia macam baik. aku tanya, dia guide satu satu. sampai aku ada user sendiri, sampai aku reti lah log in upu semua tu. haha.


since that, aku dengan danial rapat gila. dia pon baru lepas habis SPM masa tu. kebosanan je kot kat rumah. almost fall in love gak lah. haha. selalu gak phone call cakap semua. suara dia sebijik macam Moja. gelak semua lah sama. sampai lah dia masuk Matrik, diadah start ada crush sana sini. aku i dahla kebosanan kat rumah, boleh laa rasa stress kan dengar cerita dia. sampai aku masuk uia. lepas aku couple lepas tu dah lost contact.

eh ni cerita apa ni? haha.


okay, then bila dapat offer uia tu, which all english aku english b3 jek, struggle jugak pahamkan by dictionary apa dia nak, form semua lah. alhamdulillah manage to enter without problem.

sama lah semua sekali semua aku buat sendiri.

those up here totally different dengan adik adik aku. adik second aku, aku apply kan KPM tu. masa ni rumah aku takde internet jugak. pegi lagi CC cari kan mana yang sesuai. cari kat paper mana mana kolej yang ok. since masa tu result dia tak ok sikit.

nombor tiga aku advisor je. since he's stay with my aunty. plus we quite far.

nombor 4 yang sekarang nih. aku pon dah grad counseling student, alhamdulillah banyak jugak boleh tolong. tapi dia boleh pulak, dah dapat pon.. "akak tak paham dia nak apa. tolong kejap." choi.

ok nak pegi masak. see ya! bye

and I appreciate my healthy time

Assalamualaikum =(


I woke up today, my back seriously ain't kidding. It's so much pain. I try to be relax, take a shower, breakfast and sit. right after I just open the PDF file for read, then start again.

how I'm going to finish my works? ton of works. every time I sit for working it start to get pain.

my smell now is full like nona roguy. dah tu, asal sakit apu minyak. back patches tak payah cakap lah.


appreciate our healthy body. because when it get sick or pain, you no longer feel safe and happy to finish the works.

ok alarm on. have to go to Damansara for works. nak drive tu... halamakk!


good byee! =)

Change ain't easy

Assalamualaikum, salam Jumaat :)

Mood update blog harini, di sisi nenek, kat HUKM. Around me are few sick people, different health issue, their face telling each other something like, 'i wish i don't have this sickness, so i won't lie down here'

For having chance being here, taking care of my nenek is something precious. I may not open my eyes and appreciate health if I'm not here. I may not saying Alhamdulillah, and feel thankful to Allah.

I still reading the 'Untuk Kita Pendosa Harapan Selalu Ada'. Few chapters i gone through. One of it is, Arnab.

Thousand people realize we did something wrong, but as we not a rabbit we delayed the changes. Thousand people are having a goose bump when someone talk about Heaven and Hell, but try to tell themselves that, 'later I will help myself to Jannah'. Also, there are thousand people know how to change, why to change, what to change, but because of the value of self acceptance is coming more from their environment compared to Allah, so they have to ignore the change first, and wait till later. When is the later? Mohon sempat.

Sure, we will say that change ain't easy.

Every changes in life is ain't the easy thing, but after goal determined, after ways identified, after we really want it with full-hearted and sincere, inshaAllah we can make it. The key is in our hand, how we use the key and drive it to the destination its all depends on us, on what we exactly WANT.

As I'm still adapting few new things, i really hope the best for myself. Amin amin amin.

P/S: there is no iblis, evil soul, will stay quite with the human effort to the betterment. So, so, so be strong changer. (Me)

:)

Langit tak selalunya cerah.

Cinta ke orang biar lah berpada. Bukan kat kekasih je, dekat apa apa yang dilabelkan orang. Ibu bapa, adik, family, kawan, boyfriend. Kita memang takkan tau bila dalam cinta tu ada benda lain timbul.

Mungkin tiba tiba tengah baca novel perasaan benci ke orang yang disayangi timbul? Mungkin tiba tiba tiba tengah buat kerja rasa tak boleh nak siapkan rasa nak cari orang untuk disalahkan lalu attack orang disayangi and create perasaan benci?
Mungkin tengah baca Quran, rasa nak menuju syurga sampai kena tinggalkan akhirat lalu buang orang orang yang pernah disayangi?
Mungkin juga accident tengah jalan hilang nyawa terpaksa tinggal orang disayangi?

Banyak kemungkinan. Cinta ke manusia memang tak kekal.

Sedang Allah pon janji, mati itu pasti. Yang mana bila mati, pastilah kita tinggal orang yang kita sayang.

Bukan takde orang tau sayang ke Allah tu yang kekal, tapi... tak ramai yang tau dan prektik.

Aidil budak darjah 1.
Cikgu : Aidil lukis 5 orang yang Aidil sayang dalam kotak ni.
Lepas lukis mama, papa, adik, Aidil tanya..
Aidil : cikgu, macam mana nak lukis Allah? Mama cakap kena sayang Allah dulu baru sayang orang lain.
Obviously, Aidil pon tau, sayang Allah tu lagi penting.

Tweet dari Mira, 16 tahun, baru lepas putus cinta:
@mira16: setakat kau tinggal aku, takde hal. Aku ada Allah yang tak penah tinggal aku.

Banyak dan banyak lagi. Semua Muslim tau, Allah adalah mahluk yang patut disayangi, but look at us? Er, maybe not us. Look at me.

As be in the hard moment, "Allah, grant my wish, I need your guide, guide me...."
As be in the happy moment, "Alhamdulillahhh. Kau makbulkan juga permintaan hambaMu"

But as the happy getting happy and happy and happy.....

Bukan lupa, cuma terjauh diri.
Bukan apa, adakalanya manusia ini tak malu dengan dirinya.
Ku minta, merayu rayu, Kau makbulkan.
Ku toleh ucap terima kasih, lalu aku lupaa.
Gembira dengan apa di depan mata, gembira sampai lupaa.
Siapa beri gembira ini?
Siapa makbul permintaan ini?
Siapaa?

Si tak malu teros lupa, alpa.
Gembira, berpoya poya, khayal, leka, ingkar, degil, terkinja kinja.
Jauhhh jauhhhhh jauhhh dari si pemberi nikmat.
Lupaa lupaa lupaa pada pemberi rahmat.
Tak malu ke?

Selalunya itu lintasan hati semata.
Lintasan yang datang lalu ikut angin kipas ke kiri.... ke kanan... ke atas.... ke bawah.....
Good bye lintasan hati yang baik.

Realiti? Masih berhidung tinggi.
Masih percaya dengan cinta cinta dunia.
Kata kata cinta manis manusia.
Kata kata durjana yang bawaa jauh ke neraka...

Lupa terus pada pemberi nikmat, lupa terus pada pemberi rahmat.

Hingga..

Sayang si pemberi rahmat tiada bertolak banding.
Semalam, kelmarin, minggu lepas, walau sudah dilupakan, walau sudah diingkar semua suruhan, masih Kau datang membimbing, beri ingatan.
Masih Kau datang turunkan air mata.
Masih Kau datang beri peluang sebelum malaikatMu menjemput buat terakhir kali.
Masih Kau tunjuk jalan yang lurus yang akan membawa kebenaran.
Masih Kau sediakan ruang...

Sungguh pencinta apa ini?
Setelah dilupa, setelah diingkari, setelah dianak tiri, masih Kau beri ruangg.
Masih Kau datang dan mengingati.
Masih Kau terima taubat taubat.

Malu, sungguh malu.

Benarlah...
"Cinta kan bunga, bunga kan layu,
Cintakan manusia, manusia kan mati,
Cintakan Allah kekal selamanya."

InshaAllah pendosa ini akan kembali.
Akan cuba mengorak pergi.
Akan matang menyusun strategi.
Akan terus berdiri.
Akan buang semua luka.
Akan jadi aku.

Mohonku, pergi kau cari cinta sejatimu.
Pergi kau bawa cela yang pernah tercalit.
Pergi kau pergi.
Jangan kembali.

Jika ingin kembali, carilah jalan yang baik.

Good bye
Good night

Pissed off.

Assalamualaikum ;(

Today i walked around the uia. For few reasons and matters. Alhamdulillah all done. All the way back i really cant wait to sit and write something in here.

I met few people, all part of past people. Great to meet them. Talking, sharing little story bcs of little time...

But...

I hate when people really higlight my past. Bcs.. past kot, why need to mention, higlight, aaa repeat again? I always labbel this kind of people are 'no life.' Yes, seriously if you really running your life, busy over many thing, i don't think that you can still remember the past. Or maybe only me to easy to forget? Hmph. But seriously please don't.

I got smashed by someone just now. Not just someone she's someone respected. She talked some jokes which really bring me down. I'm not sure why. Maybe im too sensitive this few days? Or maybe that word was really mean?

Thinking of that word really bring me to two situation. First, can i success in future? Second, i should prove something in future. But this is hard.

Next pissed off, does grade mean everything? Lecturer wont mingle with the low grade students? Em? Not mingle, keep in touch. If i have chance to be lecturer, i wont follow the stupid tradition of educator thinking. InshaAllah. Ah even the teacher, i wont buy that stupid thinking.

Next, please friend dont keep secret. Bcs one day you will expose it unconciously. Thats more hurt. Sebab tuuu, aku bukan penyimpan rahsia. Im kind of outspoken. Bcs why? Bcs i hate to betray people. For being betray it 100+++, suck. I cant trust people now. Who fault?

Yes i need the busy life to keep moving healthy. I missed the busy me. But i love the free me, except for JK part. Haihh.

I should find hobby. Maybe?

Kbai, nak sembam muka bawah bantal. Buat esak esak. Umi, rindu.... ;(

feel like writing tonight .

Assalamualaikum =)

so officially now, i'm no longer a busy girl. seriously it is totally different. kalau sebelum ni semua pon macam.....

every single minute tu macam penat, terisi sokmo, sekarang..... relax den bergando gando. bangun pagi pon dah tak payah awal awal pagi. tidor pon dah suka hati je nak lelap pukul bape. honestly this is uncool. hmph.

i do plan to change these all nonsense and unhealthy life. but, but....

okay should try harder. tetiba dah mengantok. haha. kbai! =)

Chinese

Assalamualaikum =)

I used to work with Chinese before. (padahal masa tulis ni belom resign lagi. and i use 'used' in the sentence. yes bcs i really want to go, in the less than 52 hrs kot.)

okay, then I'm having such a great work environment there. as I quite not ok with the too many supervision I love free way to do my work, that workplace give me lot of freedom to do y works. that  is why I love it damn much.

plus, I don't really have time to listen to people story like, I like this teacher, I don't like this principal and all, I like this kids didn't like this kid, being with them bring me a lot of what I want. they will gossips in Mandarin and translate few words to me. which.... I don't care abt the gossip, just say whatever you want. be a student and worker or teacher in the same time don't give me extra time to think about that nonsense.

But... after almost 8 months of working, I can't stand. ahaa, it not bcs I can't stand because of work, teachers, principal and what so ever, it just I should give the good service but look what I have done. taking 5 subjects in a sem which equal to 15 credit hour and part time teacher at that centre really kill me off. I'm too much busy until I don't have time to look after many things. I did few mistakes with the students paper and many more. which those are a big sin for me. yes, I hate myself when I did mistake.

now I want to move. but I wish I'm not ending up as the full time students with papers and assignment. I want to do something else. not yet figure out what was that. phew.

oh ya abt the title. study in this university really make me forget abt different races and culture. I get used to it. that's why I never look at them as Chinese that's why don't know this and that.

I hate to heard something like, 'there are Chinese or Indian or Malay, that is why bla bla bla"

I'm not being 1 Malaysia or what so ever here. but yes, why judge the different based on skin colour?

since I'm going to be a students again, maybe I will start writing again and again. hey blog now I guess you won't be bored anymore!

okbai! =)

move.

Assalamualaikum =)


I'm so happy with my previous life before. I like the children, I like my study mood and works, I like my love life, I like how's the family gathering function, I like to hanging out with friends around me, all those things I like them like a lot!

but seems slowly thing change, mood change, environment and situation change, I need to leave few things that i like. for good.

at this age, I don't know what had happen, I lost focus in the snap of finger, I be brave but end up turn to be rat that scared of cat, I being lovely but end up I sad like crazeeee. sigh


as for my next and next move to life, I should think about myself now. maybe this is the time I should walk alone, look at the Allah creation and appreciate them, find the good thing on me and use it, be more responsible, accept my weakness and control it. yes yes I should. I'm getting older and matured. hewh.

those up word seems pathetic. I do feel the same. But sometimes, the test, the sadness, the madness bring to few realization of life. isn't it?

I need a beach, sit near to it, look at how the children play and....... enjoy those life. Yes, I need that. But I wish I am at the high place and nobody can see me that smile, laugh and cry together with their mood.

snap!

okayh works in front of here. I should finish it first. kbai. kbai.

*a bit relief.

Alhamdulillah my E settled! =)

Assalamualaikum =)

hai. harini rasa nak update pasal e-day aku. ye lah nanti dah lama lama boleh lah baca buat kenangan. kalo tak tulis, mana nak ingat. kejap lagi start sem buat itu buat ini, all gone. masalahnya kena kee ceramah panjang sebab nak update?

so 1.2.2014 berlangsung lah hari e-day kita yang tak seberapa tu. but i'm so glad, since all just went very okk. tapi mana nak indah kalo event terjadi dengan baiknya tanpa ada bitter, sweet memory ye dak?

so..... all and all memang aku banyak diy buat sendiri. rambut den sekarang boleh kira pakai jari je. semua gugur ke bumi sepanjang preparation nih. kata moja, u think a lot. hahaha. kata aku, i must think since all need a wise plan and implementation.

pelamin aku betol betol siap pada jam 1 petang. pihak laki sampai 2 petang. apesal lambat? bunga kipas tu wa cakap lu, mencabar beb buat dia. aku dah la buat lipat sengsorang. ada lah dalam enam camtu kazen aku dengan adik aku tolong lipat. malam before tunang tu, aku tidor pukul 4 tak silap. kehmain dok siapkan kipas tu. yang lain lain banyak gilos bantuan mak uda aku, kazens, adik adik aku. yes lah tanpa family, i just nothing there. plan and cant be done, forevahh!

hantaran semua sangat sangat baik. all just like very much okk. sehari sebelum tu memang dah siap. except for the sudden hantaran orang bawak pagi tu. lintang pukang cari bunga, reben sama kan dengan theme of the day. nah nah macam rajin sikit nak apload gambar since kat uia nih internet laju habis. =)

pasal baju pulak. haha. aku memula dari aku beli lagi, aku nak kaler peach tudung and baju kaler mint green. okk jumpa semua ok. sekali masa try semua cakap thats not a peach, that is orange. okk. so berusaha lah cari peach jugak. sampai ke pengsan tak jumpa. beli lah coklat. okk dah ok, jahit lace semua siap. sekali.... masa sebelum hari tu aku sesaja la jalan kat billion. eh eh jumpa pulak peach nih. ahem, beli lah kan. tapi nak jahit lace tu sampai ke hari bertunang tak jahit jahit. masa tu dah pasrah okk pakai coklat jelah. but..... tiba tiba... masa ajak faiznor (kawan aku) naik bilik, one hour before pihak laki sampai, tetiba dia cakap, wey pakai la peach. baru match and great. okkk gwa dengan tak mandi lagi, kelam kabut amik lace, ukur, jahit. pehh. dalam 130 camtu siap jahit lace. kazen aku dah bising suruh pi mekap. mandi semua belom. okk, lintang pukang siap pasang lace, iron and.... sesiap mekap. just nice siap pakai tudung pihak laki pon sampai. tarik nafas lega sesaat. phew.

and then, makanan... aku memang tak amik port. umi dengan jengjiran yang membanting tulang. serious terharu tau dengan dorang. they are really something. berkorban sehabisnya. tengs tengs tengs. harap dapatlah balas jasa dorang nanti.

ok cukup lah kot. lama tak update cerita panjang panjang camni. ni pon pasal ada masa yang panjang sikit kat uia boleh laa update itu ini. ok lah. so dah start sem harini. my first class is likeeee..... er.

thanks for the wish and idea. doakan untuk next level pasni. doa kan tauu! i mean it friends. =)


nah gamba akhir penutup... again tengs a lot!!! tanpajiran jiran keluarga semua memang tak jai mende event nih. tengss! =)

Think ahead.

Assalamualaikum ;)

Hehe. Esok malam lepas kerja, dah nak balik perak. For CNY holidays as well as the day. Talking abt the day i caca merba to the max. Sampai moja tu gwa nampak sangat dia dah tak terlayan. Cam ni lahhh jaa. But you please adapt okk, this is me.

Before i go back, i need to finish up few things. Like... lesson plan for the next week, study plan for new sem since im going directly to uia after the holiday, teaching aid, activities for children, tudung, baju, make up things (ew), etc etc.

This is all where i need to think ahead. Quite ahead.

Im not coming on tuesday for work so my class matter i need to make sure all is done pretty well. My new semester, what need and not. Ahh.

But, hey i love to think. Think is doesnt matter. Sampai moja asyik pesan stop thinking too much. Hahaha. Tapi thinking and planing je aku suka. Part aku tak suka trap in dillemaa. Like what i thought is totally different with others or else. Susah habaq hangg!

Masa ni kawan kawan, moja, sedara mara akan tolong pening. Haha. Kasihann. But thats the sign of my love. I do love uols thats why i let u gaiz be the judge of my life decision. Heww.

Ok lah, almost 3am. My last sem result turn to be so.... alhamdulillah. Syukur sangat sangat. But i need more effort and improvement for the next sem. InshaAllah...

What else lama tak membebel camni sejak sejak ada new space for express the feeling. Myblog apps kat tab ni. Memang kamceng abis ah. Boleh tulis apaaa je. Since it so privacy.

But of course i want to update some of happiness here. Just ya, time.... ergh.

Wish me all the best okay? Byeee. (Bajet ada orang baca letew, haha). ;)

Malu pada-Nya

Assalamualaikum :)

This will be my first entry for 2014. I'm still finding the time to write reflection for 2013. Time.... they love me, but... we not meant to be together yet. ;(

Okk tak payah sedih sangat.

Alhamdulillah, my 2014 start as very good. I done all the projects and my statistics exam not turn so bad. Alhamdulillah.

But in academic is not merely achievement in life aite? As the other part of my life..... it still... i need more improvement. InshaAllah.

I just got the good news today. Which i couldn't say much besides than...

ALLAH, YOU NEVER FAILED TO GIVE WHAT I WANT. You are the best listener ever. You are with me in anytime i'm in need. Thank you Allah. :)

But, it's only me. Who always failed to love you same as i loved other people around me. Always failed to give the best to what you ask me to do in this world. And it become worst when ______________________. :(

Nikmat Allah yang mana lagi yang nak kita dustakan?

I have too many things to promise. I have too many things to improve. InshaAllah....

As for now, this coming event, inshaAllah, i wish everything going to be ok. Aminnn. ;)